This started as an email to a trusted friend.
Writing email to you is almost like writing in a journal. Somehow through the years, you are a friend I share with…a friend I process my life with. Hopefully when you are seventy-five, you will think of me at this stage of my life. I have been back in music almost a decade, and now I am transitioning again. I am not sure what is next. That is the part I want you to remember. I know you will because you have moved from one phase of your life to another. After total focus on songwriting, fostering a songwriter’s circle, pulling together studio demos, hosting songwriter showcases – something is next. Everything I have done for the last decade has been as a songwriter and an advocate for other songwriters. I am a mentor of young songwriters and of songwriters who have had no doors open. I am a role model for older but not as old as i songwriters. I have followed my passion, the voice inside. I remember you telling me about your father telling you to always listen to the little man inside. I have listened to the woman inside. I am still listening, second guessing but listening. I am leaving what is comfortable, the role I have filled, the one that gives me so much satisfaction for one that I may never achieve the same.
Why? Why am I venturing outside my comfort zone? Because I must. I did not ask for any of the transitions I have been through. Why leave a teaching job I loved to go to Nashville? Because I had to. That makes so little sense. When people ask, I can not explain. Why leave Nashville to come back home? I have more reasons that others will understand for that, but the real reason is it was time. I know you understand that – that voice you can not silence. I leave knowing I will never know. What if I am leaving what I are good at for something I will never be good at? So here I am, ready to make a left turn. I could coast as a songwriter, a mentor, and a catalyst for others, but here I go into the unknown I want to write books instead of songs. I want to do be a catalyst and mentor online. I want a wider audience. This blog is the corner stone. There – I have said it. I believe I have something to share, stories that will inspire, hard-earned wisdom that only comes with age.
Why can I not do everything thing I want to do and still do everything I have done and am doing? Focus. Almost obsession. When I was a teacher, I was wholeheartedly a teacher. When I became a songwriter, I wholeheartedly became a songwriter. I lost other aspects of my life. No matter what path I have walked, I have walked with focus.
I guess this started as an email to you and became my manifesto. I want an online presence. I have dabbled enough to know what I will have to do to achieve this goal. Being an online presence has to be my goal. Everything else has to funnel into that. Some of what I do now will help me become. I am not walking away from anything, but I will be spending less time and energy on some of what I do now. When I felt this transition, I worried. What about my Zen life? My flowers? My birds? The introspective me? Now I know my devotion to those will not change. If anything, those will continue to enrich my life. My family? I am secure. I will love them, and they will know my love. My Zen life and my family. They are bedrock.
Something in me longs for a public life. A platform. A way to share my gifts. What better way than an online presence? There is no magic wand to wave to accomplish that goal. I have hours of focused work ahead of me. Anyone can build a blog, but building a blog with thousands of international followers takes focus and determination. It can be done but not by dreaming. It will take hours of focus and work. Why am I willing? Because I must – just as I had to become a songwriter and a publisher. Those took years of focus and hours of work. I did not choose them; they chose me. In some ways, I envy the people out there who do not understand this.
Thank you for being my sounding board, the person I trust enough to discover myself with. I give myself permission to be and to become although it is scary. What if I am turning left when so much is waiting on the well-worn straight path? Will I forever never quite reach my goals? I trust that the results of years I have lived, the paths I have followed will be what they are and no longer my concern. I am not sure what is ahead now that I am turning left, but I know I must make the turn. If you are a Doctor Who fan you understand.
Why I am seventy-five and still not settled into a traditional well-worn path, I will never know. Thank you for being part of my journey.
My blog readers, your comments and likes will be so welcomed. I need you. I am still floundering. I am still wishing I could be less introspective. By reading, by sharing, you can help me on my journey.
I also updated Song Page