Stephanie C Brown

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An Email Never Sent

This started as an email to a trusted friend.

Writing email to you is almost like writing in a journal. Somehow through the years, you are a friend I share with…a friend I process my life with. Hopefully when you are seventy-five, you will think of me at this stage of my life. I have been back in music almost a decade, and now I am transitioning again. I am not sure what is next. That is the part I want you to remember. I know you will because you have moved from one phase of your life to another. After total focus on songwriting, fostering a songwriter’s circle, pulling together studio demos, hosting songwriter showcases – something is next. Everything I have done for the last decade has been as a songwriter and an advocate for other songwriters. I am a mentor of young songwriters and of songwriters who have had no doors open. I am a role model for older but not as old as i songwriters. I have followed my passion, the voice inside. I remember you telling me about your father telling you to always listen to the little man inside. I have listened to the woman inside. I am still listening, second guessing but listening. I am leaving what is comfortable, the role I have filled, the one that gives me so much satisfaction for one that I may never achieve the same.

Why? Why am I venturing outside my comfort zone? Because I must. I did not ask for any of the transitions I have been through. Why leave a teaching job I loved to go to Nashville? Because I had to. That makes so little sense. When people ask, I can not explain. Why leave Nashville to come back home? I have more reasons that others will understand for that, but the real reason is it was time. I know you understand that – that voice you can not silence. I leave knowing I will never know. What if I am leaving what I are good at for something I will never be good at? So here I am, ready to make a left turn. I could coast as a songwriter, a mentor, and a catalyst for others, but here I go into the unknown I want to write books instead of songs. I want to do be a catalyst and mentor online. I want a wider audience. This blog is the corner stone. There – I have said it. I believe I have something to share, stories that will inspire, hard-earned wisdom that only comes with age.

Why can I not do everything thing I want to do and still do everything I have done and am doing? Focus. Almost obsession. When I was a teacher, I was wholeheartedly a teacher. When I became a songwriter, I wholeheartedly became a songwriter. I lost other aspects of my life. No matter what path I have walked, I have walked with focus.

I guess this started as an email to you and became my manifesto. I want an online presence. I have dabbled enough to know what I will have to do to achieve this goal. Being an online presence has to be my goal. Everything else has to funnel into that. Some of what I do now will help me become. I am not walking away from anything, but I will be spending less time and energy on some of what I do now. When I felt this transition, I worried. What about my Zen life? My flowers? My birds? The introspective me? Now I know my devotion to those will not change. If anything, those will continue to enrich my life. My family? I am secure. I will love them, and they will know my love. My Zen life and my family. They are bedrock.

Something in me longs for a public life. A platform. A way to share my gifts. What better way than an online presence? There is no magic wand to wave to accomplish that goal. I have hours of focused work ahead of me. Anyone can build a blog, but building a blog with thousands of international followers takes focus and determination. It can be done but not by dreaming. It will take hours of focus and work. Why am I willing? Because I must – just as I had to become a songwriter and a publisher. Those took years of focus and hours of work. I did not choose them; they chose me. In some ways, I envy the people out there who do not understand this.

Thank you for being my sounding board, the person I trust enough to discover myself with. I give myself permission to be and to become although it is scary. What if I am turning left when so much is waiting on the well-worn straight path? Will I forever never quite reach my goals? I trust that the results of years I have lived, the paths I have followed will be what they are and no longer my concern. I am not sure what is ahead now that I am turning left, but I know I must make the turn. If you are a Doctor Who fan you understand.

Why I am seventy-five and still not settled into a traditional well-worn path, I will never know. Thank you for being part of my journey.

My blog readers, your comments and likes will be so welcomed. I need you. I am still floundering. I am still wishing I could be less introspective. By reading, by sharing, you can help me on my journey.

I also updated Song Page

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What to Leave In, Leave Out, or Add

Soon I will not have to live via Zoom only. I have the same mixture of excitement and apprehension I always had at the beginning of a university semester. New options. A chance to restructure my time. Two weeks from Monday I will be two weeks past my second vaccination shot. I will be out and about – still masked – as safe as can be. What an odd thought. Since mid-March, I have been home alone and have not gone anywhere, not even to the grocery store. I have relied on InstaCart and Door Dash. Before the pandemic, my calendar was full. I overbooked. Since then my Zoom calendar has been full. I have structured my days around Zoom meet-ups, songwriting sessions, webinars and courses. I traded in person commitments for online ones.

I do not want my pre-pandemic schedule back.. Anyone with me on this? Before the pandemic almost everything on my calendar was in some way connected to music although I said I wanted to be more involved in other things. I had few days at home.. Since I have had all days at home with fewer options, I have devoted as many if not more hours to music. Just to be sure I had enough to do, I enrolled in blog building and book writing courses and webinars. Songwriting, blog building, and book writing became my focuses. Three major focuses are too many. I was already questioning if each is worth being a major focus. Am I taking for granted and not focusing on something equally or more important? How many unrelated yet wonderful things am I missing because I am so focused on these three things. Now that I will have more options, I wonder even more what I want to do. One would think that at seventy-five I would have answers. I imagine there are people my age whose lives are in comfortable and satisfying grooves, people who no longer go through angst, people who just know what they want. I also accept I have never been and will never be one of those people. Therefore, I blog… on and on.

Knowing I will no longer be living via Zoom but will have live options is enough for now. I do not have to have the answers to my questions. What will I leave in? What will I leave out? What will I add? Time will tell.

(If you are an email subscriber, consider yourself a beta reader reading a first draft. Almost always, I come back and edit. I always catch typos later.)

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Spring Yard Work

I garden with Mother Naure, with little interference, so my yard is wild. I plant flower seeds and perennial plants. This week I have spent hours cleaning out two large beds. Underneath the grass and leaves, I found lilies, irises, yarrow, poppies, vervain, Sweet Williams, and coreopsis.

In the summer, the now brown beds will be in full bloom. Almost all are perennials which come back each year. I will plant zinnia seeds.

I have been in a weird songwriting space. I had much rather be digging in the dirt (soil). All the photos were made in my yard — Florence, Alabama.

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Songwriting – Craft or Art?

All songs are not created equal. I should know. I have been writing songs more years than some of my cowriters are old. I am seventy five. I started writing in my mid-thirties. Do that math! I know the rules well enough to follow them or break them. Like carpenters who can make square boxes after learning to make one square box, songwriters can write songs once they learn the basics of combining words and melodies. According to Harlan Howard, country music’s songwriting legend, three chords and the truth is all you need to write a great song. For a blues song, you need less than that. I cowrite as many as four songs a week in different genres with songwriters much more skilled than I in structure. I regularly write with seven different co-writers: Mark Narmore, Sandy Carroll, CoCo O’Conner, Will McFarlane, ElizaBeth Hill, Taylor Grace, and Mitch Mann in varying combinations. We write many genres, some simple and some complex. I am confident in saying we are not going to write a bad song – unless we want to. That is the only claim I will make. We control craft but not art.

I have songwriting questions for which I have no answers. What makes one song better than another? Why can not all my songs be either beautifully artistic or commercially successful? Why do listeners love one more than another? I wish I had the answers to mine and the ones others ask. The one question I am often asked, I can answer. What happens in a songwriting session? The answer? It depends. There is no typical or normal cowriting session for us. We set appointments. We show up. We write. None of the songs are the same. Some are better than others. I go into every session hoping for a song to come shining through with that intangible magic that comes from somewhere other than the songwriters.

CoCo O’Conner, ElizaBeth Hill, and I had such a session yesterday. We showed up for our 10:00 Zoom session. (All the things said about showing up are true.) CoCo and i have written many songs together with many different cowriters but not with ElizaBeth. I would like to think the combination of the writers gave the song the intangible quality, but from my experience with cowriting I know more than the combination of writers was involved. The song has more than three chords, but it does have the truth. That is true of many of my songs, but not all of them are inspired. Inspiration does not always show up, but when it does we can feel it in the room – even a Zoom one. We began by talking about what was going on in our lives. As professional writers, we try to come into sessons with something, maybe a title, an idea, some lines, a bit of melody. The three of us have lived long enough and have gone through enough to write about and for women. We talked about the ideas and lines we came in with and about what we wanted to say to other women. I can over-dramatically say, the song wrote itself – or maybe inspiration wrote it. Our song, “She Never Got to Memphis” says a lot about women and life.

When we have demoed it, I will share on the Songs page. I hope you feel the intangible. I would love to say this song will surely surface and be heard by the masses. I would love to say all who hear it will love it. Unfortunately, that is unlikely. All I can say is we three women songwriters love the song and are thankful to have written it.

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About Time

Will I miss anything about eleven months of self-isolation? I will soon find out. I get my second shot the 16th. Then in another two weeks, being ultra cautious as I have been, I will ease back into “normal” life. I am looking forward to that. I do not want to become a recluse, but the closer late February gets, the more I think about what I am looking forward to and what I will miss once my self-isolation is over.

The last year has been one of introspection and reflection for me. Once I am back to normal or anything close to normal, do I want my life to be different than it was before Covid19? I have had time for things I love that I did not take time for before. I am asking myself what I want to leave in and what I want to leave out. What is important to me and what is not? What do I miss and what do I not?

It is all about time. I will be seventy-six in April, so these questions are more important to me than ever before. After almost a year of being isolated with time to think about the past, present, and future, I know I want changes from the past and now. I want to use my time more wisely. (Have you ever thought of the expressions we use with time? We have it. We spend it. We use it. We waste it. We take it. We have it on our hands. We lose track of it. No matter how we try we can not keep it.) Since I have been able to do little of anything, I have thought about all the ways I want to spend my time. I have also thought about a time in my future when I will once again be able to do little- or nothing. That time will come. No one lives forever.

Some of my life I definitely want to be different than it is now. Some of my before Covid life I want back. Some of my life this last eleven months, I do not want to lose. When I have somewhere to go, will I put seeds on my deck every morning and late afternoon? Will I miss the Rose-breasted Grosbeaks and the Cedar Waxwings because I am too busy to watch for them? What about those days when I have no commitment and the sun is shining and the ground is just right to plant, to dig bulbs and plants to move them, and to weed. Will I be so busy I do not take to be in tune with my body and nature. Will I forget my time is not unlimited?

Only time will tell.

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Speeding the Tempo Up

I do not always write up-tempo songs, but when I do they are good ones. At least I think so. Today I am sharing seven with you. You decide.

All are published by River and Stones Music (ASCAP) and cowriters’ publishing companies.

I Call It Love – writtten by Mitch Mann, Mark Narmore, and Stephanie C Brown

Mercy Mae – written by Sandty Carroll, CoCo O’Conner, and Stephanie C Brown

Me or the Dress -written by Will McFarlane and Stephanie C Brown

Inside Your Crazy – written by Mitch Mann, Mark Narmore, and Stephanie C Brown

Heartbreak Speed – written by Jami Grooms, Mark Narmore, and Stephanie C Brown

Surprise Me – written by Mark Narmore and Stephanie C Brown

Lumber of the Beast – written by Mitch Mann, Mark Narmore, and Stephanie C Brown

And now – one bonus to slow the tempo down a bit

Betty Jean – written by Michael A. Curtis and Stephanie C Brown

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A Ballad Kind of Day

Seven ballads for you. All songs written by me with cowriters in various combinations and published by each writer’s publishing company. River and Stones Music has all of my publishing except Love is Everything which is in Golden Ladder publishing company.

Betty Jean – cowriters Michael A. Curtis and Stephanie C Brown

Love Is Everything – this one goes back to my Nashville days. Written with Marc Rossi (Marc My Words – Ascap)

One Moment All Time – written by Mark Narmore and Stephanie C Brown

What About My Heart – written by Will McFarlane and Stephanie C Brown

I Know Where It Ends – written by Sandy Carroll and Stephanie C Brown

This Is My Brave – written by Mark Narmore and Stephanie C Brown (There is a wrong pronoun shift. All choruses should be My Brave not Your Brave)

You’re Breaking My Broken – written by Mark Narmore, Cindy Richardson Walker, and Stephanie C Brown

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Quilting

When my mother passed, she left her quilting fabric to me. If you do not come from a quilting family, you may not understand. Leaving a quilting stash (all fabric) to me was more important than leaving any jewelry or anything else, except maybe cookware. Mother sewed for our family and others. She was a quilter. One room in her house was full of fabric to the point of only a pathway through. When she moved into town, she did give a lot of it away. I did not realize how much she still had until she passed and I moved it to my house.

I took the fabric in the house and attic, but the fabric she had in her shop went into storage at my nephew’s. I got all of that this week. The photo collage you can see how much I got and some of what I have washed and folded, which is not nearly half of it and is not counting all I already had. All of it is 100 percent quilting cotton. Some of it is themed like thte Elvis and the pigs. Some of it is outdated. Some of it is beautiful. i love touching it all.

My daughter is a beginning quilter and wants some of it. We laughed and said her grannie would probably come back and haunt us if we did not take care of the fabric. To say we have a fabric obsession is an understatement. When we were cleaning out Mother’s house, my daughter and I would not let my brother who was the boss that day come into the sewing room. I remember him standing in the hall with the most puzzled look.

A crazy quilt I made for my sister in 1998 was in with the fabric. I had forgotten it and how much I loved making it.

To see more of my quilting projects go to Stephanie Mae’s Quilting on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/Stephanie-Maes-Quilting-112301187162424

Once again, I am barely making the deadline for my Saturday post. I have barely touched on quilting. Come back. I am sure I will be posting more about quilting in future posts as it seems quilting is calling my name again.

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Life Changes

Sometimes you just know your life is going to change even before it does. Mine is. I am seventy-five soon to be seventy-six. Last year I wrote two or three songs most weeks. I do not see myself writing so many songs this year. I am not going through writer’s block or discouraged with myself as a songwriter. This is not just about age. Something else is out there for me.

I welcome whatever is coming. I do not have preconceived ideas about what one should and should not do at any certain age, but I can not see myself at eighty still writing relevant songs. For several years, I have been writing legacy songs, songs to let listeners know my beliefs and emotions. How much more do I have to say that is not already in one of my songs?

I have been in strict self-isolation since last March. I got my vaccination shot this week. By this March I will not be isolated depending on Zoom for human contact. Perhaps that is the shift I am feeling. Still I do not see myself forever focusing on songwriting even when I can once again be in the same room as my cowriters. I can see myself still writing, just not so many songs. I was writing poetry and short stories long before I became a songwriter. I am writing a book and this blog. I can see myself doing both years from now. I have a history of offering guidance to other music people, especially young ones. I can see myself doing that. I also have enjoyed planning and hosting events. I can see myself doing that.

And then, there’s what I call my personal lfe. I want more time for it. I see myself focusing more on family. I see myself spending more time planting and taking care of my flowers and watching birds. Then there are the things I want to do that I have not done. When I retired, I had a list. Life is short at best. I want more than songs in mine.

Welcome to my inner world. I hope what I write in some way touches you.

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Down For the Count

…but not to 10 yet.

I have already written about it here. Now I have captured it in a song. When my cowriters have writing sessions, we check in with each other. When we ask, “How are you?” or “What’s going on with you?”, we are not being polite. We care about each other and want to know. Sometimes the song has nothing to do with our answers, but sometimes the honesty of those talks fuels passion into the song. Those songs are different. They are not written around a hook or idea one of us comes in with. They are written from raw emotions. I am not saying they are better songs, but I am saying I love them more.

Two cowriters and I wrote such a song this week. I am not calling names or going into details because those talks are the kind you have with someone you trust. We wrote about struggling with keeping passion and enthusiasm for a dream or an endeavor begun wiith high hopes and energy. With dreams and projects, it is true the bigger they are the harder they fall. We wrote about hearing the count. At that point, we have to make decisions. Is it worth the fight? Will our life be better with it or without it? Do we give up or get up?

In our song, the singer wonders if she has anything left to give. She has searched her heart. She does not know which way to go. As often is in true life, although the answer is within, something from outside gives hope. She knows she will live to fight another day.

The song is not about boxing. It is about living. The song? Red Bird.

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My Songs

I have updated – Stephanie C Brown Songs – I hope you enjoy some of the songs.

Through it all, I write. Through songs, I process the world as I see it and feel it. I believe in the power of words and that that power is amplified with music. Sometimes I am given words. That is hard to explain. We call it writing the song in the room. My hope is always that we write a song that is true and universal. There does not have to be a lesson or even a comment. If our words and melodies move you in body or soul or both, as songwriters we have done our job. Writing a song that expresses for someone who does not have the words for what they feel is the ultimate for me.

I am still feeling the unrest in my country and have no words about that. For tonight’s post, I took songs off the song page and added more. They are all demos, rough takes, or a simple songwriters’ demos. All are published in River and Stones Music (ASCAP) and my cowriters’ publishing companies.

Please, go to the song page. You can find it on the menu. I hope one or more of the songs moves you in some way.

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Now

Now – by Stephanie C Brown

This is no fine line
drawn in the sand.
This is chiseled
in concrete
filled with tar
painted black.

Rage skyrocketing
fueled by hate.
Love staying afloat
on a raft of hope.

The weight of the world
weighing heavy.
Is there a heart
light as a feather?

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Some Days – for the Birds

I am thankful all my days are not the same. Mark Narmore and I wrote a song around that idea. It is not about birds, but this entry is. Thanks to Mark for his great demo of Most Days. I hope you enjoy the song and the photos of today’s birds.

Most Days – Are Not -written by Mark Narmore (Nobel Vision ) and Stephanie C Brown (River and Stones Music _Ascap)

I am feeling the unrest in my country so am having a difficult time settling down to do anything productive. Thank heavens, today was a day for the birds. I put out black-oil sunflower seeds on my deck every morning for the birds. My camera stays on the coffee table right in front of an easy chair. Today some came. I have chosen to post only the ones of Red-brested Woodpecker and American Goldfinch

The day could have been for many things. Today it was for the birds.

American Goldfinch – Florence, Alabama – my deck – January 9, 2021 (I can not travel in time so ignore the date on the photos. I need to reset my camera.)

Red-breasted Woodpecker – Florence, Alabama – my yard – January 9, 2012

Today has been a good day.

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The Cardinals on My Deck

The cardinals on my deck
know nothing
of riots and protests.
Their’s is a world
of trees, rivers and streams.
The sun rises, the moon sets.
Winds blow, rain falls.
In storms, floods, and hurricanes
They seek shelter.
The beating of their wings
can not save them.

(Stephanie C Brown – January 7, 2021)

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Blue Ocean Glass

I am sole owner and founder of Blue Ocean Glass which handles publishing, management, and promotion for songwriters and artists who need my help. The company will also do event planning for others. I needed a business structure around what I do anyway. I have a Nashville history as a publisher, a manager, and an advisor and early supporter. Garth Brooks credits me. When he came to Nashville, I believed in him and did everything I could to help him. I introduced him to his manager Bob Doyle. I read his first contracts. I told people he would be bigger than Elvis. I was laughed at, but no one is laughing now. I do not think I have found another Garth, but I am finding songwriters and artists who need guidance from someone who has their best interests at heart. Through the years, I have helped others. Blue Ocean Glass will do what I already do.

So far Taylor Grace Longcrier and Jeff Broadfoot are under Blue Ocean Glass’ wings. When it is safe to be out again, Blue Ocean Glass will host a live showcase or two. The first one will probably be a Soup and Song event at my house. The next will be in a listening room situation. First, I will introduce them with a online showcase hosted on stephaniecbrown.com.

This is Wednesday’s scheduled blog post, but Blue Ocean Glass deserves a well thought out and well written post with links to Taylor and Jeff. Stay tuned. Check back in. I will add to this post.

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Optimistic about 2021?

I believe positive thoughts bring about positive results, but I admit to struggling with optimistic. How about you? Are you celebrating the new year with your usually gusto? I stayed up until midnight; I cooked black-eyed peas; I did not have that confident looking foward to the new year feeling. I did not plan writing sessions and gatherings for later when I have been vacinated. What if that does not happen? What if there is another pandemic? I told you, I am struggling with optimisim.

Morning is the best writing time for me. During my strict issolation, because I live alone, I am struggling with any kind of a routine. Watching TV to the early morning hours has numbed me some what to the crisis of 2020. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully’s drama and trauma made mine seem small. Maybe 2020 was an X-file? Immersing myself in Doctor Who’s multi-universe world took me out of mine. Maybe 2021 wilI be a new world? I made a New Year’s Resolution to be in bed by 11:00 and up by 8:00. Day two into 2021 and have not kept it yet. As motivation I am reminding myself that I need the routine going before I actually need it. I will be going places and people will be in my house, right? My house needs to be somewhat clean and uncluttered for in person cowriting sessions, Soup and Song gatherings, and just-because-we-can parties, right? I will have a schedule to balance, right? A reason to go to bed early and get up early?

I have downloaded multiple diaries, journals, and planners. I will let you know which ones help me keep track of my busy days and plan the next ones.. I hung the calendar my daughter gave me. After all, a productive person needs those, right? For now I am keeping a sembalance of productivity by scheduling two or three songwriting sessions a week. I thank cowriters for the therapy. At times, we feel like we are writing in a vacuum with no live demos and little live sharing of the songs. Soon we will all be in the studio together demoing our songs. My cowriters will be sharing the songs on a stage – live and not as in live online. I will go our to listen to live music. I will visit friends. I will travel a bit. I have to believe so. I am trying to get past questioning those.

I renewed my resolution to continue write meaningful blog entries on Wednesdays and Saturdays and to go deeper into the mechanics of getting more followers and building a bigger email list. I renewed the resolution to write more words on the book every morning. These two will not be harder even though I will have less time to do so. We all know that is an illusion, right? I will have the same amount of time in each day. The dfference will be I will not be fighting enertia. The more geared up I am, the more I can get down which makes it seem like I have less time to do anyone thing. Hopefully, I will stay slowed down – somewhat.

Maybe 2021 will not only be a new year but also a new world for me. I do not want my 2019 or early 2020 world back. I want to bring the good from those into 2021. I want my 2021 world to be better. How can it not be with all I have learned.

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Gathering Energy for 2021

This is the last post of the year. I need a small retreat to recharge and let go of 2020 to be open to 2021.

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Cardinal Headshots

Buddy, my cardinal friend, was in fine form today. He is a handsome fella. I guess you can say a blanket or a coffee cup or some other beloved object is your friend, but really? I think to be friends both need to recognize each other. I recognize Buddy, and he recognizes me. He knows I put the seed in his saucer. He waits for me and flies a few feet away and then comes back when I back up a bit. To me, he is a friend.

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Memories and Traditions

Memories of my very early Christmases are good ones. I am from a large family with fourteen aunts or uncles who married. Then the wives and husbands were part of the family. Twelve of those had children of their own. Thirteen of those did not move from our hometown. The ones who had moved came home came home for Christmas. Think about the complexity of that.

Christmas on my mother’s side was paramont even though that was the side with the most sibling rivalry and disagreements. As a young child I had no idea of the back stories. I do remember arguments, but they did not involve the children. We were caught up in the traditions. My aunt and uncle from Florida brought fireworks, oranges, and grapefuit. When are we going to do fireworks? How many times did the grown-ups hear that question? I loved the sparklers much more than the firecrackers. We opened gifts on Christmas Eve with a set time to “have the tree” which meant open gifts. All gifts were exchanged and Santa came on Christmas Eve. The reason given for that never made sense to me, even as a child. My grandfather was afraid one of his children would die in the night and not get their gifts. Think about that. Everyone gave everyone a gift, or that is how I remember it. We did not draw names or sit in a circle for dirty Santa. Are those expressions only American and southern? If you do not know what they mean, ask in a comment. I do not remember those gifts, but I do remember the anticipation.

Every one showing up at my grandparents house for Christmas dinner was mandantory. There was an oak pedestal table with many extensions for the grown-ups and card tables for the children. My daugher now has that oak petalsal and, yes, it carries memories. You did not move to the grown-up table until you married. My grandmother was a saint. She must have been tired cooking for twenty-six people, if I am counting right, and smoothing all the ruggled feathers. When did she have time to bake the coconut cakes and pecan pies? I am sure the adults’ memories of those christmases are not the same as the children’s. My older brother’s and sister’s memories are not the same as mine.

Christmas is held in the hands of grandmothers. At least, it was in mine. The passing of a grandmother changes everything. Christmas caDo not worry about presents; be present.n never be the same again no matter how much you want it to be. The harder you try, the emptier it feels. My mother wanted Christmas to be like it was when her children were grandchildren. It did not work for her or her children, but it did for her grandchildren. I envy families with smooth transitons from one generation to the next.

This year hang on to the traditons that bring comfort and let go of the ones that hurt or are stressssful. Next year when we can return to Christmas together, do the same. No matter how you wish for a different Christmas, all you have is this Christmas. Love your family and friends more than any tradition your family has or is trying to hold on to. When your family can be together, do not worry about meals; treasure breaking bread together. Do not worry about presents; be present.

Merry Christmas to all and a happy new year.

Share your thoughts on Christmas. Someone else’s blog is a good place to process.

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December 16th Birds

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in today’s world I do not think so. Photos are so easily altered. Seeing is no longer believing. I promise these bird photos that I took sitting in an armchair in the room off my deck have not been altered in any way (Florence, Alabama). I feed birds regularly. One cardinal named Buddy waits on the rail in the mornings. He hears me when I get up and I hear hiim. He still keeps about three feet between us, but the others fly to the tree until I am back in the house. I have feeders in the yard, but the rail ones are more active. Forgive the mess. I am not as good at keeping their feeding area clean as I should be. I call taking photos of birds one of my Zen things. I think of nothing else. I did not know how beautiful birds are until I started photographing them. The feathers, oh, the feathers. See for yourself. Did you realize how amazing bird feathers are?

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A Christmas Song and More for You

Noel No You — (River and Stones Music, ASCAP and cowriters’ publishing) – I need to check writers in addtion to Sandy Carroll, Mitch Mann, Jim Gaines, and Stephanie C Brown)

Since I am in song mode, I will share three more. To listen to even more, go to Stephanie C Brown Songs (on the menu)

If Salvation Had a Color – ( Stephanie C Brown, Mark Narmore, Lillian Glanton – River and Stones, ASCAP and cowriters’ publishers)

Little Diamonds – (Stephanie C Brown, Sandy Carroll, Mark Narmore – River and Stones Music, ASCAP and cowrtiers’ – publishers)

We Will Dance (Stephanie C Brown, Mark Narmore, Sandy Carroll – River and Stones Music ASCAP and cowriters’ publishers) – I need to check for another cowriter)

I write a lot with six different cowriters in different combinations. I wrote ten songs in November. Someone has admin for River and Stones Music, so there is a record of cowriters. I could check but did not this morning.

I hope you enjoy listening. I am not always so melancholy. Just listen to Lumber of the Beast if you do not believe me!

Lumber of the Beast – Stephanie C Brown, Mark Narmore, Mitch Mann

Please leave a comment or email to let me know! If you liked one more than the rest, let me know that, too.

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To Christmas or Not to Christmas

Christmas 2020. Different than any we have had. How many families won’t be together?

My house has been the family Christmas house since Mother passed. I am decorating this year not sure if anyone will be inside my house. The past few years I have had help putting the tree up and decorating it. Someone else put up outside lights This year I am doing it all, not as organized and detailed as usual.

I am so aware this year that Christmas is not about decorating or baking. It is about family and friends.

PS: Tonight I have been unpacking boxes of decorations. I will be putting more ornaments than I planned. Christmas may not be about decorating and baking, but would it be Christmas without them?

PS – again!Well, I guess if I am going to put most of my ornaments on, I will put another string or two of lights first.

Ps- yet again! Every tree needs 200 more lights, right?

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Watching a Guru Grow

Gurus are people to be watched in more ways than ones. We are not talking about the ones who convince you to give away all your earthly possessions, join a commune, and drink the kool-aide.We are talking about the ones with books, web pages, blogs, newsletters, webinars, podcasts, conferences, and other avenues to reach the masses. I follow several online. I have paid money for their classes, conferences, and webinars. I do not regret even one of them. Though I would not admit to following a guru, I have certainly been led.

I am watching (and following) one guru that I admire more than when I first connected with him. He has written best sellers, been a speaker at many conferences, has online courses with hundreds in some classes, has successful webinars, and more. He has a passion for sharing the methods that have worked for him. His authenticity is what has made him so well-known and influential. Thanks to his webinars and courses, I started this blog and my memoir. Without him, the blog would not be as good or have the potential to do online what I do and have done for others in true life. I have adapted some of what I have learned even though his methods are tried and true. What I am learning is focused on how to make money to pay for making art.

I think I started following him and taking his courses early in his transformation (that may be an exaggerated word). I sensed a slight uneasiness in a webinar and a shift in his newsletters. I wondered what he was going though. Then he began to write more authentically about his personal journey instead of his past or present success. He revamped his blog, or is in the process. He is developing new groups and courses. He recently wrote about what I would call a spiritual, not as in religion, retreat he more than attended; he was with his tribe learning from and supporting each other. That is a beautiful thing.

I look forward to new courses and webinars. I see no need to discontinue any of the old. They are valid. I expect and hope he will continue to share the money making part because I sure need that. Creative people tend to give everything away.

My hats off to you, Jeff Goins. I am still following you. Thank you for sharing not only what you have done and are doing but also your personal journey. Gurus who are fellow travelers are the best.

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Energy Flow

Ever wonder how it would feel to be in someone else’s skin, to feel what they feel? I wish I could be in what I call a “normal” person’s skin. If you have read previous posts, you know I struggle with bipolar disorder and at times feel anything but normal even though I know there is no normal. Identifying what is a symptom of bipolar disorder and what is simiply human nature is hard. When I am struggling, the distinction does not matter to me. I write about bipolar disorder during the worst of times or when I am coming out of a hard time. I write because I know that others who have bopolar disorder will to some extent recognize themselves. Always I hope that my story will help in some way. Perhaps someone will decide to get professional help. Perhaps someone will not give up.

I have been struggling with shutdown for weeks. The one thing I am able to do even in difficult times is write songs with my cowriters. This time I kept up with Wednesday and Saturday blog posts. Other than that I have been what I call operating on top of and maintaining. I am not sure others see the difference. I suspect they do. If you have been reading this blog, you know the story – up to yesterday.

Yesterday I cleaned house. This morning I woke up wanting to write before I did anything else. Those two things do not sound all that dramatic, but in context they are. I wish I knew why my energy shifted so I would know what to do next time to get myself up and going. I am not saying anything as dramatic as I got up feeling like a light had been switched on. I will say I felt different, lighter. Perhaps this morning’s energy was because I finally managed to get my house in order and at least surface clean. To me the two are related with both a result of shifting energy.

I have no way of knowing how long this good energy will last. I do know I will enjoy it while I have it. I am writing this as Wednesday’s scheduled post and posting it early. In the morning, I have a Zoom songwriting session. After that I look forward to working on my book. Before I go to bed tomorrow night, I expect to do some basic clutter control. I will be doing more than just operating on top of. I will be comfortable in my own skin.

I expect I will have a good day. I will let you know how it goes.

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I Thought I could Not – Then I Did

Is there something you want done but are sure you can not do? You might be surprised if you decided to do it yourself. I have been many times. When I was forty, I was sure I could not buy a Christmas tree, unload it, saw off the bottom, bring it into the house, and get it into a stand relatively straight. Tonight at seventy-five, I did all the above. I am not advocating you become self-reliant – just do not be quick to think you can not do what you want. Perhaps you can not, but perhaps you can.

It is no wonder I did not realize all the things I can do. I have a sister three years older than I and a brother a year and a half older. Of course, they could do more things than I could because they were older, but I did not consider that when I was growing up. I just thought I could not do anything. My mother was impatient and often told me to just get out of the way and she would do it. Then at eighteen I married a man who did everything.

In the twenty-five years I have been alone, I have done many things I thought I could not. Some were out of stubborness. My ex-husband is a pipefitter. When I needed a new faucet I was determined to do it myself without his help. I accomplished it with the help of a very kind plumber who answered his phone late in the evening and talked me though it. Some were because I did not have the money to hire it done. My brother believed in my abilities before I did. Often when I had no money to hire help, he convinced me I could do it myself. He has talked me through many DYI projects.The more I did, the more confidence I gained.

I no longer think of myself as someone who always needs help. Before I say I can not do something, I think it through. I do not just assume I can not. Now because I am older and not as broke, I usually call someone, even for some projects I know I can do. I have learned to ask myself even if I could, why would I. The things I did tonight I did because I am self-isolated so did not want anyone else in my house. I feel good knowing instead of agonizing over how I would get a tree up, I just did it.

If this inspires you, use some common sense. Do not try to do things physically harder than you can handle. The importatnt thing is do not let voices from the past or present limit you.

Disclaimer: I do not always use common sense. Do not try this at home.

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If Struggle I Must

Struggle I will. Being dramatic helps me during hard bipolar times like now. So if struggle I must, struggle I will. I laugh and say I am the poster child for bipolar disorder. Twenty-five years after being diagnosed, I faithfully take meds, sleep, and eat. I am healthy; I am happy; I have a good life. I am too old to be a poster child but old enough to be a voice. Each person’s journey is different. One thing we all share is we struggle. Others either think we could help ourselves if we tried, or that they can help us. Both have a bit of truth.

I share my journey because bipolar disorder is still an awkward discussion. Some people are not informed at all; some are misinformed. That is not the main reason I share. I share not as a poster child but as an example of one who has bipolar disorder and a good life. I want people to know that is possible. I share for the ones who are affected. That includes the ones who have bipolar disorder and the ones who love them. I share my struggle so bipolar disorder will not be minimized.

Last month I was on a natural high of beginning this blog and beginning a book. I was getting up early and going to bed early. I had energy. I felt good.I Zoomed two or three times a week with my cowriters. My input was creative. I thought all the songs were wonderful.

This month, not so much. I will share a journal entry. My handwriting is better on good days

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I do not want to go to bed at night. I do not want to to get up in the morning. I know I can breath, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. I work my strategies. I make myself get up. I make sure I take my meds, that I eat, that I sleep enough. I go outside some every day. I journal. I work in the yard. I am still Zooming. In fact, when I am with people, I seem fine. Some days my best strategy is to be still. I consider that I am maintaining. I am not too low or too high. I am operating on top of. I will keep eating, sleeping, taking meds and working every strategy I can. The overwhelming clutter in my house as I sit still is another part of the struggle as is feeling incredibly sad like I am hurting for the whole world. I told you – thinking dramatically is part of it, too. This is not too extreme. Mostly I am frustrated. Coming back to low energy after a long period of positive, productive energy is discouraging. I know a slump is not failure, but it feels like it is.

One morning I will wake up feeling like a burden has been lifted. I will be okay. did not know that years ago. If you have bipolar disorder and do not have that assurance, get professional help. Even if you do have that assurance, get professional help. Your friends can not help you. You can not help yourself by yourself. If someone you love has bipolar disorder, do not tell them they could do better if they tried. Do not think you can be their savior. Help them get professional help. See them as a person not as a bipolar person. Forgive them for the mistakes they have made. If they are bipolar, I can almost promise you they have done things that hurt them and/or others. Love them. My family and friends love and accept me. They are my safety net. We all need one.

If you read this and worry about me, don’t. Trust me like I trust myself. If you do not know me, think of my other posts. If you know me, look at my life.

Please, educate yourself. Go to http://Bipolar disorder – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic

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Digging for Spring Beauty

This is how my flower beds begin and how they are reclaimed. I dig on my hands and knees. I do this for several reasons. I can not afford to hire it done. Even if I could afford it, finding someone who will do what I do is hard. This is definitely not work for a landscaper. The main reason I do my own digging is I love it. Beginning with nothing but weeds or heavy unwanted grass and ending with patches of bright flowers is reward enough. I have claimed and then reclaimed enough small spots to know how much impact they can have.

This spot has been difficult because monkey grass was taking over. Nurseries sell it. Many love it. I come close to hating it. It will crowd out everything else. This area had dahlias and gladiolus in the past. I have dug sacks and boxes of monkey grass from this and one other small area.

People pay good money for monkey grass aka as Liriope. The article below heralds it as a great ground cover and border plant. I would pay someone to dig up every clump in my yard – or my neighbors’. Look at those roots!

All the digging will be worth it in the spring and summer when the dahlias, glads, and maybe even hollyhocks are blooming.

Let others sing its praises, and they do. Perhaps it works well in landscaped yards that are well maintained. It has overtaken flower beds and even portions of my yard. If you want any, let me know for I will be perpetually digging. The good news is my daughter wants some to replace the area she got rid of on my advice. She misses it. Her yard was one of my first Master Gardener projects. It was a total fail.

https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/groundcover/monkey-grass/monkey-grass-a-spectacular-groundcover-for-the-lawn.htm

Looking for a low growing, drought tolerant turf replacement? Try growing monkey grass. What is monkey grass? Rather confusingly, monkey grass is actually the common name for two different species. Yes, things could get a little muddled here, so keep reading to learn about the different types of monkey grass and how to use monkey grass in the landscape. What is Monkey Grass? Monkey grass is a groundcover that looks very similar to turf grass. It is the common name for liriope (Liriope muscari), but it is also referred to as border grass. In addition, monkey grass is oftentimes used as the common name for a similar plant, dwarf mondo grass (Ophiopogon japonicus). Are Liriope and monkey grass the same? In so far as ‘monkey grass’ is often the terminology used for liriope, then yes, which is confusing since mondo grass is also called ‘monkey grass’ and yet liriope and mondo grass are not the same at all. In fact, they aren’t even grasses. Both are members of the Lily family.

Read more at Gardening Know How: What Is Monkey Grass: Caring For Money Grass In Lawns And Gardens https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/groundcover/monkey-grass/monkey-grass-a-spectacular-groundcover-for-the-lawn.htm

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November Roses

My yard – Florence, Alabama – November 2020

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Stephanie C Brown Songs

I updated my song page – http://atomic-temporary-28696742.wpcomstaging.com/stephanie-c-brown-songs. I took down songs that were there and added different ones.

Through all my ups and downs, changes and standstills, one thing I do remains constant. I write songs with my cowriters. We Zoom write anywhere from once to three times a week. Before Covid19, we wrote at my house two to four times a week. I have lost count of how many songs I have written since 1975. I started in Muscle Shoals, moved to Nashville, and then returned home. I had some success as a songwriter in Nashville including cowriting “Burning Bridges” which is on Garth Brooks’ Ropin’ the Wind album. The songs I love best are not necessary the most commercial ones. In fact, they seldom are. I jokingly say that a song is probably commercial because I do not particularly like it.

I cowrite with several cowriters regularly – Mark Narmore, CoCo O’Conner, Sandy Carroll, Will McFarlane, Mitch Mann, Cindy Richardson Walker, Grant Walden, Alecia Elliott Fisher, andTaylor Grace Longcrier. I am the pimp. I keep everyone booked in one combination. I get available dates from everyone to see who can write on the same days. Then I let everyone know who is writing with whom when. Sometimes I write with only one other person, but if more than one other is available, I might write with two or three others. I have written with as many as four! During Covid19, not only do I write simply because that is what I do but also because Zoom sessions with my cowriters are social interaction, too. We know each other so well, our sessions are personal. All of our songs are not all from my or my cowriters’ experiences, but they all were the song in the room.

Please, listen to some of the songs, and let me know if you have favorites. John Prine once told me I was the most important person sitting in a song circle because I was the audience. As a creative person, I need an audience. I may fear it, but I need it.

Listen to the last one for something totally different and probably unexpected. All of these songs are available with clearance.

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Tinder Box

I am an American who cares about America. I do not see how I could write a blog post today that did not in some way touch on today’s election results. Joe Biden is president elect. Although almost half of America are not happy about that, I am. Some will not even acknowledge it. I am keenly aware that I am a miniority in Alabama, my state. Barely one-fourth of Alabamians voted for Biden.

I feel like we are in a tinder box. I do not want to contribute to any negative conversations that could ignite a fire. Already I have asked to be dropped from one text group boasting about “our” win and making derogatory remarks about Trump supporters. I am sure I am going to read a lot of derogartory remarks about Biden supporters like me. I am going to be disappointed in some of my friends on both sides. Already there is violence in the streets.

While writing this, someone called to congratulate me because they were sure we are on the same side. In fact, we are. I loved that. We had never discussed the election, but she knows me, so she knew. I am not against talking about the election results with people who are positive. In fact, I need that. I want everyone to know where I stand. Although I am a minority in my home town, my state, and the states around me, I will be active in working with people who believe as I do that Biden is our best choice.

Already I am hearing and seeing so much I disagree with, but I have high and lofty goals. I hope I will walk away from inflamatory conversations on social media and even in person. I am not Ghandi or Mother Teresa, but I want peace.

Years from now I will look back on this blog and be proud I made a stand,

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Life well-lived Update

Have you been following my blog long enough to remember I am writing a book? The original concept was to pull from my and six Muscle Shoals seasoned cowriters experiences to support the title, A Life Well-lived Is Better Than a Song Well-written. I completed an outline. I did the first taped interview of four of the six other songwriters. I started writing. I decided to start with what I thought would be easiest or at least necessary. Since I am one of the seven and the author, my songwriting background needs to be included, right? I thought maybe 1,000 words would be a sufficient summary. Not so.

Recounting my story as a songwriter for forty plus years has taken on a life of its own. I started the saga in 1975 after a few words about before then. I am remembering names, places, and details of experiences I had not thought of in years. Some I do not think I would have ever remembered, at least not in detail. Some I am having to research. I am just now to the moving to Nashville part.

I plan to go with my flow and publish my story as an ebook available on this blog. It will have links to song downloads, interviews, and lyric pages. Who knows? Maybe it will have a link to a free webinar or live Zoom or two?? Then I will write the book I started writing.

Stay tuned. You will be the first to know.

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Bipolar Disorder – a Blessing and a Curse

Edited with correct link: 3:36 PM 10/24/2020

I have been struggling with writing this post about the blessing and the curse of having bipolar disorder for over two hours. I have written and deleted, written and deleted. Then I googled and found all of my search words in Inga Stünzner‘s Bipolar disorder ‘a blessing and a curse’: How Ian Higgins sees life through a creative lens. This article is everything I was trying to write. If you want a better understanding of a person with bipolar disorder, read it. If you have bipolar disorder, read it. If someone one you know has bipolar disorder, read it. Please, for me, read it.

Perhaps later I will edit and add more of my own words, but for now someone else’s words say it all.

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Circles

Indian medicine wheels, Stonehenge, cave drawings, the wheel – when has there not been circles? My own life has come full circle in so many ways. I have named several companies, groups, and events with circle in the name: Circle of Friends, Song Circle, Circle Round.

All humans had to do was look at flowers to know about circles.

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Late Bloomers

MAXIMILIAN Sunflower, New England Aster, Plains Coreopsis, Zinnias, and Cosmos ( My yard – North Alabama)

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A Life Well-lived

Do you have a past history of beginning projects you do not finish? I do. Twenty-four days ago, I began the journey of writing my book A Life-well Lived. I have begun and am past the beginning. It is getting to the middle that will be hard. I have promised myself I will write at least five-hundred words a day. For me, the word count is easy; every day is not. Last night at eleven-thirty, I realized I had not written. I managed five-hundred words in thirty minutes.

Sudden stops are not my problem with projects I still believe in. The first two weeks I wrote at the scheduled morning time. Then one day, something happened that I needed to do during that time. Gradually I shifted writing time to whenever I was not doing something else. Remembering at eleven-thirty last night should not have surprised me.

My Life-Well Lived cup arrived in the mail today. Now every morning I will be reminded. An object I can see and touch is vital for me to acheive a long range goal. When I began Golden Ladder and Silver Cradle, my Nashville publishing companies, the first thing I did was pay for someone to design a logo for me. I had cassette labels and inserts, stationery, note cards, and business cards. Those companies exsited for me long before that did for anyone else although others believed in them quicker than they would have without seeing that logo. One Fan Fair a record label assistant called to ask how many passes I needed. At that time Golden Ladder and Silver Cradle were just me. I had created them in others’ minds.

This week someone sent me a text asking how I developed this blog. She is still in the maybe-vision stage. She does not want to begin something she may not carry through with. My advise to her was not to linger too long in the planning stage, to do something concrete. I suggested she get a free WordPress blog, select a free theme, and build the blog. She does not have to actually post until she makes up her mind. She may decide she does not want to invest her time in blogging or that now is not the time. Building the blog does not take the place of planning; it brings the vision into reality.

Stop and think of past projects you have abandoned. Do not worry about the ones in which you no longer have interest. The ones you wish you had completed, start again. Look for something you can see, hear, or touch that will remind you.

I did not order enough cups to give to others, but maybe I will. For now, I am the only one to pour coffee into that cup, already well-loved, and think of A Life-well Lived.

If anyone does want to pay $25 for a cup, let me know.

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Video Chat with Sandy Carroll

The book I am writing has a core cast of seven, six of my cowriters and me. I am in the process of Zooming short video chats with each to make my job easier. I can refer back to them when I am writing. This morning’s with Sandy was great – once we got past the first five minutes. We are so relaxed that seconds after telling her I was going to begin the recording, I drifted off into definitely woman to woman “girl” talk. Her feedback helped me, but it is not something I want to share with the world. I did trim those first four minutes. The next minute I have wandered off and am talking to Sandy off-camera. I left it because I laughed and hope someone else does. We can all always use a laugh.

The chats are more about Muscle Shoals than I expected. Sandy has memories of Muscle Shoals in the years I was teaching and out of music that I do not have. From 1997 to 2001, Jerry McGee and Mickey Buckins hosted a weekly writers night at the local Holiday Inn in Sheffield. I am realizing that Muscle Shoals songwriting history is not as well known as the recording history. Also, as good of friends as we are, I did not know her life story before we met. These chats are unearthing some unexpected treasures.

I hope you enjoy the video as much as we enjoyed talking. You may want to fast forward past that first minute or so – unless you want to hear two friends randomly talking.

Sandy Carroll and Stephanie C Brown chat about life, songwriting, and Muscle Shoals

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Mark Narmore and Stephanie C Brown on life, Songwriting, and Muscle Shoals

Mark Narmore and I chatted this morning since he is one of the seven characters in the book I am writing. Mark is one of my cowriters, but I did not know some of what he shared.

(I was not in a rocking chair though it looks as if I were. Learning curve. I knew I would talk with my hands.)

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Now

All things in good time is one of my mottos. Now is the good time for me to write a book. I am in self-isolation so have never had more time or focus.

I have been writing ever since I can remember. In the first grade I wrote a story about a goat driving a car and smoking cigarettes. In the seventh grade, I sent a handwritten short story to a major magazine that I am pretty sure did not recieve many handwritten manuscripts not following guidelines. Someone took the time to send a polite rejection letter. I wish I had saved that. Writers seldom throw anything away unless in a state of frustration or temper because the writing is not as good as they want it to be. I still have the story in some box somewhere.

For the last forty-five years, I have been either a teacher or a songwriter. I never could balance the two so bounced back and forth. I am now and have been a songwriter more years than a teacher. I have written hundreds of songs, many journal pages, and a book in that time. The book I did not throw away but have been tempted. I still think the story is good and may write it someday, but the writing itself is not good to the point of bad. Friends who read it had a hard time finding anything to say. I sent it to three publishers, got rejection letters, reread it, and put my copy in a closet.

I retired from teaching and transitioned into songwriting. At seventy-five I am in transition again. I am proud of my age and my life, but there’s something more yet to come. I always know it when I am in transition but seldom know to what. Still writing songs is part of it. Sharing my life with this blog and interviews is part of it. Those I have been doing. The new part is writing books. I no longer feel I am in transiton.

I am still floundering a bit on my book, so I asked my Facebook friends to tell me what they think I should write about. Their suggestions helped me; now I know what I do not want the book to be. The suggestions were to write about my experiences. My kneejerk response to each was no! I do not what to spend months on a book about me. What they want to know will be in this blog. There’s a whole world out there with many conversations. As a writer, I do not want to be wrapped up in me. I want to be more than the sum of my past.

One of the facebook responses, sealed the deal for me. I am a writer. A friend questioned why I would spend that much time (three months) writing a book – what would it accomplish in the end? My response was because I am a writer.

This is my declaration of independence though I did not know it when I sat down to write.

Thank you for being part of my journey.

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Songs And A Blog, What’s Next?

Have you ever been at a stage in your life when you knew you needed to take action. You did not want to stay stuck. You wanted to find something that would propel you. I have been there and found what works for me.

I have immersed myself in writing. First, I enrolled in Jeff Goins’ Intentional Blog course which is not free. That’s an important point for me. If I have paid for something, I am motivated. Then I attended the virtual WordPress Summit 2020, again, not free. In addition, I have taken advantage of several other free Jeff Goins webinars and e-books as well as other WordPress webinars.

My answer came from a friend who told me I should take the Intentional Blog course. I took her at her word. Only after I enrolled and another friend was so impressed, did I research and realize what a good decision I made by trusting her and taking her advise. I am impressed. Jeff who is the writer of five bestselling books shares his journey and helps others on theirs. You can take my word about Jeff or go to https://goinswriter.com/.

I now have the nuts and bolts to build this blog and to write a book, but as of now they are rattling around in my mind bumping into each other. It is time for me to sort through, organize, and structure not only my writing but also my life. The first leads to the second.

I am a seventy-five year-old woman still journeying through life, a catalyst for others, an avid flower grower and birdwatcher, a quilter, a Muscle Shoals songwriter, a retired educator, and more. Sharing that in words and songs does not come easy. I write songs; I blog. What’s next? A book. I am putting in the hours to do all three well.

You can help me commenting on my posts and emailing me. I am in physical isolation, but I need interaction.Please, go to the Contact page and follow me and/or subscribe to my email for a weekly email.

Soul’s Energy

When I struggle for meaning, I write, sometimes songs. Soul’s Energy is me grappling with the loss of my niece, Selena Rachelle. She was only fifty-one. Still I find it difficult to write words about her passing or the loss I have felt, but I did write a song with two of my cowriters, Mark Narmore and Mitch Mann. I can not see her in white robes and a halo, thus this song.

Soul’s Energy – Stephanie C Brown Mark Narmore Mitch Mann – (Smooth Ocean Glass, ASCAP – Sandmark Music Group, BMI)

Jada and the Kittens

My Sweet Jada (April 2009 – June 2023) was my companion for almost fourteen year

This could be a post about mourning, but it is not. I do not have words to describe how losing Jada hurts. If you have ever lost a dog, you know. If not, you probably would not understand even if I found words. Instead this is a post about opening my heart to three kittens in the weeks before I lost Jada.

Cleo, the stray cat that I helped make it through the winter brought her no more than four-weeks-old kittens to me. One morning to my surprise, there they were on my deck. I intended to find homes for them. In the end, I found one home for them, mine and Jada’s.

I knew I had only weeks left with Jada. I knew I would not have the heart for any other dog when I lost Jada. I also knew an empty house with nothing except me breathing would be so hard. I brought the kittens in to see what Jada thought about them. She rubbed noses with them, and I took that as her approval. Even then I did not think I had the heart to bond with them, I reasoned that was okay since they were cats, not dogs.

Almost three months later, you see how that worked out. The three of them have not replaced the one of Jada. At first they were a welcome distraction. Now I admit I have bonded with them. I thank mama cat Cleo for bringing them to me because they have helped me keep an open heart.

If you follow me on social media, you may wonder why I waited so long to share this. My heart wasn’t that open yet.

Geordie

Dora

Grayson

A long and Winding Path

Then

I was forty, a little over halfway to now. My life was on track with my childhood dreams. I was a wife, a mother, and a secondary school English teacher. Those three fit together.

By the time I was forty-one, my life had changed drastically. I was still a wife and a mother but a songwriter instead of a teacher. I do not mean I started writing songs part-time. I mean I quit teaching and moved from my hometown (and family) to Nashville to be a songwriter. No longer was my life on track.

I was not following a dream; I was answering a voice inside. Some call it destiny or fate. I call it my path. Moving to Nashville was the first step on what has been a long and winding path with many stops along the way.

After eleven years of fairy dust turning to something between a rock and a hard place, I moved back home and closed my heart to songwriting. I got a job teaching English at a university. Teaching was no longer my dream or my passion. It was my survival.

At sixty-six, I retired from teaching. To my surprise, my path led me back to the music world, this time in Muscle Shoals. What I now realize is that was just a chapter.

Now

I am seventy-seven, well over halfway to the end of my life. There’s nothing for which my life should be on track. I am still a mother; I am still a writer. Now I know those two are not enough.

By the time I am eighty, what then? In the time between now and then, I will be on my long and winding path traveling through this new chapter. (What a mixed metaphor!) Now instead of writing songs, I write books. Once again, I am following a call. Unlike when following a dream, the destination is unknown.

For now, my days are routine. I begin my day writing morning pages following Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. That bleeds over into Women’s Fiction Writers ninety minutes write-ins. I focus on writing

There’s no fairy dust or magic, just focus and persistence. Not knowing where the path is leading is part of my path. With age has come a slower pace. That and being in a good place lead to less anxiety. I do not know where I am going, but I am good to go.

I like beginnings of chapters in well-written books. I am in no hurry for this chapter to be over. I am content to savor every word. So here’s to a day of writing.

On Being a Writer

In the first grade, I wrote a short (short) story about a cigarette-smoking goat driving a car. In the 6th grade, I sent a national magazine a handwritten short story manuscript about a young girl whose family moved too often for her to make and keep friends. I have the notebook with the goat story. I wish I had a copy of the story or at least the rejection letter. Both were early signs I was destined to be a writer.

Fast forward over seventy years, and still I write. Much of my writing compulsion has been channeled into songs. Thanks to Garth Brooks (see the About Me section of this blog) and the fact he and I cowrote “Burning Bridges”, a song on his Ropin’ the Wind album, I am recognized as a songwriter. However, considering the multitude of words and the years of songwriting, that is a small measure of success. At least, that is how it seems to me this morning. When asked about my bookwriting, I have nothing concrete to share. (Should you want to hear any of my cowritten songs, go to the Stephanie C Brown Song page.)

For the last two years, I have focused on writing books. For the last year, I have Zoomed for from two to four hours a day with a group of Women’s Fiction Writers Association writers. My friends know this. I am beginning to be questioned. Surely after so long, I have books for them to read, in fact, for them to order. Sadly, no. By way of explanation for my lack of anything to share, I liken my current book writing to my early days of songwriting, I wrote hundreds of songs before Garth recorded one he and I wrote, thus, validating me as a songwriter.

In the last year, I have written four complete or partial rough drafts. Maybe, but a big maybe, the one I am currently working on is good enough to carry through revising, editing, and querying. If I write a thousand words a day, which is not easy, this first draft might be finished by the first of March. If you are my friend and waiting, be prepared for an even longer wait before the book is available. I am totally overwhelmed knowing what I know that my friends probably do not know. The first draft is but one step and not even the most daunting or even the most time-consuming. Even with magical intervention, 2024 would be a remarkably soon date of publication.

An eighty-five-thousand word book is much more complex than a song. I will revise by rearranging, adding, and taking away words to the best of my ability, and then aided by peers and beta readers, I will revise likely many more multiple times. Then the editing will begin. Unless I am incredible lucky (Have I mentioned luck or magic?), I will have to hire an editor. In a perfect world by some magical coincidence, an agent or a publisher would have read my revised and self-edited book and loved my writing so much that they would hold my hand the rest of the way, and together we would deliver the perfect, soon to be a blockbuster, book to the bookstores, perhaps as early as 2024.

Once the whatever current version has been critiqued by beta readers and my peers and edited to the best of my and the editor I will have hired abilities, the querying to agents or small publishing companies begins. There is no time frame for that. To be honest, I am not sure of the rest of the process. In fact, I am not sure of up to this point. Once the book is out of my hands, I am counting on if not magical intervention, at least a helping hand from destiny or fate for it to find its way. Should that not be the case, I will not feel my time has been wasted. Perhaps, only another writer understands that. In the meantime, I will continue writing new and revising old rough drafts. A writer’s writing never stops.

If my friends wonder why I spend at least twenty hours a week writing, neither I nor that six-year-old girl writing about a cigarette-smoking goat has an answer. Just don’t expect signed copies of my book any time soon.

Depression – Dark and Deep

Depression -

dark and deep

slowly steadily

pulling me under

like a stone

to the bottom

of a deep river

Depression –

my old friend

I know you well

so I rest heavy

curled inside myself

waiting…

I will myself to dream

I am the butterfly

Lyrically yours,

Stephanie C Brown –

Today’s Thoughts

Wow! Only two months of 2022 left. Two busy months for me. November 6th is the reboot of my Song Circle. November is National Novel Writing Month which. means I will write 1,667 words a day. November 8th, 10th, 15th, and 17th I will facilitate a Write a Memoir One Memory at a Time in-person class for The Tennessee Valley School of the Arts at the Ritz in Sheffield, Alabama – if at least ten people register.

Then in December, my niece from DC is staying with me for several weeks. Then – Christmas!

Usually I am a New-Year-resolution-maker. I spend New Year’s Eve alone journaling. I know – very reflective and not very social or exciting. This year I may party because I have already done so much reflecting and planning. For the first time in years, I feel like I am on a new path.

January – March I will facilitate a The Artist’s Way cluster for The Tennessee Valley of the Arts.

I am ready!

Seventy-seven

Have I told you I am seventy-seven? I mention it because contrary to popular opinion, age is so much more than just a number. I am not into numerology, but like most of us, I like anything that corresponds with what I want to believe, and I want to believe in the power of 77 in my life this year.

If you know me personally or have been following me online, you know the last two years I have written a lot about the strong intuition that I was transitioning from one stage of my life to another. Since 2015, most of my energy had gone into songwriting and being an active part of the Muscle Shoals Music community. That is what I did, and I loved it – until I didn’t. My energy shifted physically, emotionally and mentally. Focusing on my music life did not give me the same joy. At my core, I am a writer, so I shifted to writing books.

I no longer feel in transition, but I am floundering. Writing books is harder than writing songs, at least for me it is. I say books instead of book because I have not settled on THE book. I have rough drafts of different books. Perhaps being seventy-seven and in the harvesting time of life, I have a different feeling about that than I possibly would have had seven years ago. Of course, I have goals, hopes, and aspirations, but they are not what is important. What is important most days I follow my energy. I do what I enjoy. I write. That is the luck of seventy-seven.

In April I entered into my twelfth seven-year life cycle. I do not expect another major energy shift, though one never knows. The following resonates with me.

77-84 Years (and beyond)“Taking the lessons that they have learned throughout the course of their life, the individual will take steps to remove all negativity from their lives, focusing their eyes solely on the thing that bring them joy and happiness.

They will find that life’s mysteries, which have plagued them throughout the course of their lives, are suddenly made clear. Desiring to leave a legacy behind for generations to come, they will begin to dedicate the time and energy required to make this a reality” https://humansbefree.com/2018/04/understanding-the-7-year-cycle-and-the-stages-of-our-lives.html

What about you? Does the theory of life in seven-year cycles apply to your life? Please, leave me a comment.

Seven Come Eleven

From basic numerology, number 7 is a number that signifies completion or wholeness. Since 7 is doubled, the effect is also multiplied and the expectations become limitless. What does the number 77 symbolize? Number 77 is a symbolic representation of luck. (https://numerology-meaning.com/numerology-77-meaning/)

Age 70-77: if the previous cycles have run according to course, this is the time when we become more intuitive and accepting. If we have been true to ourselves, exploring and connecting to our inner lives, we should now be able to harvest that experience and use the knowledge to improve our lives as well as our relationships. We can also help others with their search.” https://beduwen.com/2015/01/29/seven-ye

Redbird

Redbird – written by Coco O’Connor, Mark Narmore, Stephanie C Brown

How loud does the Universe have to shout before I listen? Redbird is the final song on the project I am so proud of, CoCo O’Connor’s Big Reveal album. For weeks I have been posting on Facebook and Instagram about Buddy, my redbird friend, hopping and flying so close to me even follows me at times. So obvious, yet I missed it.

Interviewing a person with Bipolar Disorder

Interviewing a person with bipolar disorder presents a challenge. Will her mental health diagnosis influence whether you hire her or not. I hope this post is interactive, and that you will answer the questions as you read. The links at the bottom are good self-checks.

What if the one being interviewed has bipolar disorder?

Imagine that you are interviewing someone for a position that involves interaction with the public. The person has all the qualities needed to do the job well. She has the communication skills needed. She is knowledgable. She personable. Her references are good. You are pretty sure you will hire her, but a second interview is company policy. At the board meeting that day, someone comments, “You do know she is bipolar?” Would that knowledge, change your decision? (Legal ramifications are outside the scope of this post.)

I have bipolar disorder and have been interviewed and hired or not hired several times, both with the interviewer being aware I have bipolar disorder and not being aware. I neither have a definitive answer nor do I think anyone does. Somedays I would not hire myself, but my past employment history shows those who did hire me are not sorry.

If you are interviewing a person with bipolar disorder, understanding a few key points should help. First, no two people who have bipolar disorder are alike. Even if you have past experience with people who have bipolar disorder, you will be doing this sperson with bipolar disorder a huge injustice if you judge her by your past experience. The same is true if you judge her from your exposure to characters with bipolar disorder in books, television series, or movies. Those are is seldom accurately portrayed.

To do the person and your company justice, educate yourself. The following links are a good start.

The myths: https://www.healthcentral.com/slideshow/bipolar-on-the-big-screen-accurate-or-not?ap=2006

Bipolar Disorders information from Psychiatry.org: https://psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders/what-are-bipolar-disorders

Bipolar Disorders information from Psychology.net: https://www.psycom.net/bipolar-disorder?ap=2006

Life

For several years, I have posted about feeling I was in between the present and something new. Well, that new is my new normal. I am no longer an educator; I am coasting out of songwriting; I am still a creative catalyst for others because I believe that is a gift I have been given with the responsibility of using it.

I have also posted a lot about age. That will continue, the postings and age itself. I was born in 1945 which some classified as the first year of the Baby Boomer Generation. I more identify as The Silent Generation. I missed being a hippie, certainly no drugs, and free love. At nineteen, I was a mother and a wife. There’s a Doctor Who quote that I love. He says, “I came the long way around.”

Songwriting? There’s another saying. Don’t stay too long at the party. Leave on a high note. I began writing songs in the seventies. It’s time. I cowrote all ten songs on CoCo O’Connor’s new album, The Big Reveal, which is getting rave reviews within the industry and other listeners. That’s a high note for me and a big reveal in my life. More about that later.

I am embracing being a novelist. Technically, I do not think I truly am until I am published, but I never have cared much about technicalities. I write every day. Most days I show up at 9:00 to write with a group of women from Women’s Fiction Writers Association on Zoom for ninety minutes. Many days I write with them at 12:00 for another ninety minutes. I am perfecting the craft. Yes, I have been writing for years, but writing books is new to me. I use the analogy that building a basic box is easy, but carving a beautiful, intricate box with secret compartments is not. Some days I am discouraged because I know the odds. Other days I am content with the journey. I believe our days are a testament to others. I hope I am leaving a legacy of staying passionate and true to wherever energy calls. That keeps me positive. I go to bed looking forward to writing in the morning.

I am revamping this blog to more easily share my life – now. Some things are in my life to stay, like family, flowers, birds, lyrical lines, and quilting.

Comments are so welcome. Later there will be ways for you to subscribe to this blog and a newsletter. For now, you will just have to check back.

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